MONTREAL, Quebec.   The Montreal Hash House Harriers held its 10th Annual Charity Red Dress Run on Saturday, August 12th, 2006 from the Tyndale Community Center in Downtown Montreal.  Over $4,000 was raised this year and donated to the Tyndale Community Center for their English language literacy programs. This sum brings our total charity collections to over $41,000 since our first event in 1997.   This year, more than 50 runners from Montreal, Toronto, Ottawa, Boston, Pennsylvania and Albany participated in this wacky event.   Special thanks to the RD committee, out of town participants and our 2006 sponsors (listed below). 

The 10th Annual Montreal Red Dress (Decade...nt) Run
Scribes: Pooh Runner and Abbot

Friday, August 11th
The debauchery started at the palatial mansion of Sinnerbad, on a pleasantly cool evening – July had been steamy!! The hares Likes It Rough, Pog and SLOC came in sweating from setting an incredibly long run, just in time to go out again with the pack. SLOC obviously forgot that he was in charge of getting the beer for the weekend and left Sinnerbad holding the bag and scampering about at the last minute for any golden liquid she could find. Remarks were heard about the quality of the brands chosen, but we just said, “It's beer - drink up and shut up!” (Fortunately, the second beer stop had quality brew in abundance for those stupid enough to run that far, but we digress…..)

Runners and walkers took off for the first beer stop, held at the home of the (happily) former Mr. Sinnerbad, who was a good sport about being invaded by his ex's hasher friends. Out of towners included LBM (practically a Montreal Hasher now), Friar F*ck (also from Ottawa), Dead End (Hogtown), and some of the pervs from south of the border, including Europe'en Whore, Tubslut, and Delinkwent from Pennsylvania. The scribes were so shattered from the run, drunk from the revelries, or whatever, that we've missed many auspicious hashers here, but there were about 34 souls in all, including latecummers.

After the first beer stop, some runners joined the walkers in wisely deciding to head back to the ON-IN, where OAP was handling the sausages. (Eeeeuuuuwwwww!). About this time Panty Ho took off for regions unknown, and was never seen again (until the On-On). Hearing that SLOC had laid the trail, most runners now turned back to the party. About six of us, led by Dead End, carried on to the second beer stop, miles away at DA’s house. The reward was great beer and a “fuck the hares” straight trail back to the party. Search parties were sent out and several hours later (ok, maybe one hour later), the stragglers came in, looking cold and bedraggled and altogether ready for refreshment.

Into the pool went LBM, then sometime later Turkish Delight and Cheap Thrills. Once they had left the scene, lo and behold, Europe’en Whore and others doffed their hashing clothes and made a dive for it, soon to be followed by Cock a Noodle Do in his very own birthday suit. Pooh Runner noticed that Just Glenn had grown several inches as he stood on his toes in an attempt to check out the aquatic life for himself. Ruff and Yogi put on a spectacular display of synchronized swimming, bobbing and frolicking together in the waves. Sometime later they were seen doing their own version of synchronized lap-dancing. OAP kindly offered to play delivery boy and make sure the girls changing in the cabana by the pool were not starving to death. His offerings were gladly accepted by the under clothed waifs without a peep.

Saturday, August 12th
Although breakfast at Tyndale was not terribly well attended, those who went were particularly grateful for the efforts of the Tyndale (about to become) hashers. Several interested parties set out with Boner for a tour of the local “ballet rose”. It seems that the Yanks just couldn’t wait and had to set off to check out some scenery on their own. The silicone, however, was duly admired by all who attended. Our thanks to Boner for organizing this arduous task.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing as the Hashers and new friends from Tyndale set out on the official 10th Anal Red Dress Run at just after 4 pm, going under Highway 720 and uphill to the Atwater Metro Station. There was Mustapha Kunt handing tickets to the hashers and giving directions to get off at Papineau station. From the platform we rushed into one car and started singing our hash songs. Other passenger seemed amused but mostly kept a distance. A pregnant lassie sat there listening and a smile surfaced on her pretty face. I guess the baby was kicking her bulging tummy in time to the music. At one stop, Ruf and Yogi suddenly burst into the car from nowhere… The train took us, singing all the way, to the first beer stop – somewhere to hell and gone in the east end of the burg.

Shaking our donation cans (and tushies when we thought it would help), we made our way back from that G*d forsaken part of town, through the gay village and uphill again to and through Parc de la Fontaine - Abbott and Skinflint reminisced on the old days when they used to live close by. Again, picnickers and strollers cheered us. Some runners were tempted to dive into that lake, but did not want to be left behind the pack. We paused at the fountain of “St-Louis Square” to entertain the locals to our rendition of “Singing in the Rain”. Some locals joined in and soon the police came by to check out the crowd. Tourists or/and locals snapped shots of our happy faces and our “Haute Couture” red dress. Rain was supplied on this fine day by enthusiastic runners who fell off the fountain’s perimeter and into the pool. Off we went down the famous Prince Arthur street with its terraced restaurants. We surely entertained the diners, as they clapped their hands as we passed by and shouted words of encouragement. They were (slightly) misinformed that we were racing for charity, when in fact we were running for the cold beer at Pog’s downtown apartment.

For the last part of the run, we made our way back through the McGill ghetto and downtown to the third beer stop, at Hurley’s. The task here was to empty a barrel of McAuslan’s ale before we left and, by God, some very blurry looking hashers (including Captain Canada) did rejoin the main event at Tyndale’s two hours later to report total success! At about 6.30pm, we staggered to the ON-IN at Tyndale’s, just around the corner from Hurley’s.

The problem with scribing a pub crawl hash is that memory fades rapidly, but we recall good food, a pretty neat circle – where Flipper did the role of the GM and Clit-On the RA – and the traditional auction. The auction was shorter than in previous years, but included some lovely hand-quilted offerings from the maidens of Stitch and Bitch, as well as many other donated items. Panty Ho was front and centre with his bidding, as were SLOC and Sinnerbad. $1400 was raised from the auction alone. Clit-On did a fantastic job of relieving the hashers of their hard-earned coin and once the in-fighting and bidding were over, the XX chromosome hashers were treated to a (nearly) full Monty by the lovely and talented Panty Ho, who was auctioned for his birthday suit. Unfortunately for them, Poppa Weenie came to his rescue just in time, providing him with a strategically-placed baseball hat. Booooo! At least now we all have a pretty good idea of just what is under that spandex! The DJ for the party was Roz - a local celebrity now – who managed to get worn-out hashers burning off the alcohol for most of the night.

The carousing went on until the wee hours, with many forgetting that the next day, we would assemble at the country estate of Abbot and Skinflint in order to do it all over again!

Sunday the 13th (11am)
A momentous day in the history of the world! The 10th anal hangover run combined with a 50th birthday party for our own Cheap Thrills (who may, from here on in, become known as somebody’s “prune”). This was the shortest run of the weekend, thank God! A very pleasant trail up and down the Hudson hills and through the dales took place, to a well-deserved beerstop. Seen streaking towards the beer cooler was our own Captain Canada, who is quickly gaining a reputation as an FRB. Spied coming in the back door were Dead Animal and Foxy. When the circle was convened, OAP was GM but completely f*cked it up, thinking he was still RA. Flipper (his mentor) gently tried to remind him of his duties, but he was having none of it! There were sins to be reported and he was damned well going to report them!

Pooh Runner had the honour of presenting the birthday girl with a token of the Hashers’ esteem in the form of cold hard cash, getting a great big lezzie kiss on the lips for her troubles! LBM gave a moving speech (yada, yada, yada) and all the male hashers lined up to give the terminally young-looking Cheap Thrills a birthday kiss. She was heard later to say “My lips are still burning from Yogi’s kiss!” Whoo Hoo! We should all be so lucky! (Abbot: Pooh wrote this piece – what she didn’t know was that Yogi had smeared his lips with a chocolate pepper, reputed to be the world’s hottest, before he snogged Cheap Thrills. Her lips really were burning! The one consolation is that Yogi probably got blisters.)

Outstanding registrations, pledges and debts still need to be collected, but at last count, more than $4000 has been raised to support the Tyndale St George Community Centre. Thanks again to all who organized, donated and paid outrageous prices for our auction items. Make sure the cheques don’t bounce, will you?

ON ON to Posh Nosh. Volunteers are needed to organize!