Hash Trash - Run #400

Hash Trash - Run #400
Date: Sunday, April 3rd 2004 @ 1:00PM
Location: Pointe Claire (West Island)

Hares: Flipper, Witchy
Hashers: Abbot, Boner, Cheap Thrills, Chili Bones, Dead Dick, Double Fisted, Fig Leaf, Kristal Tits, Mudsticker, Mustapha Kunt, Numbskull, Passes Wind, Pinky Puss, Plastic Jesus, Sexual Life of a Camel, Sinnerbad, Speed Hump, Turkish Delight, Scratch and Sniff, Pap My Parts, Captain Hook, Anon, Fat Ass, Open All Night, Walkie Talkie, Wet Spot

Hash Scribe: Sinnerbad

“ The events as told by our Pulitzer Prize scribe Sinnerbad”

This was an A to A run starting in the parking lot of Brasserie Hymus. Being an Anniversary run we all assumed that the founders would be there. But our brilliant mismanagement team managed to f*ck that one up and failed to inform them in time. To atone for this the hares threw a party and paid Mudsticker to shake and shinny her British arse all night much to the delight of the geriatric patients present at the pub. 

Let’s get on with it now because we had an interesting time ahead of us.


The Run.

Typical Montreal weather, looked like spring from inside the car, felt like f*cking winter once you stepped out. Spring bonnets certainly were a welcome addition because it kept one warm. Mudsticker and Boner came together and sat in the car, (wonder if Boner, true to his name had a stiff leg…) The pack was small as I arrived at the ON ON but within 10 mins. who should arrive but our friends from Ottawa, none other than the ba*tards Anon, Scratch & Sniff, Fat Ass, Double Fisted, Plastic Jesus, Captain Hook. Let the party begin.

Off we went in search of a marking, 1 block east on Hymus and off to the right through an alley. The run crisscrossed east then south then curved and disappeared up Flippers arse. But still a good run because the pack caught up at odd times. Checkbacks were great even though one would think chalk was in short supply. Markings were sometimes faint, did the hares mark this run on Saturday. Heard Scratch & Sniff horn, shit the neighbourhood came out to look and the dogs howled. Sloc came and went and the wanker never called the trail, not once. That lad needs to get laid now, perhaps when he yodels as he cums he will use that wonderful sound to call trail. Any takers male or female please speak to Dead Animal.

Lost track of which direction we were going, above St John, below St John. Then we saw St Louie and the depanneur and Dead Di*ck said he knew where we were. When did a man with a dead D*ick know anything. Along came Plastic Jesus winging that these Montrealers love too many f*cking checks and he wanted to feel some real tits. We arrive at a check, it’s Dead Dic*k, Scratch & Sniff, Figleaf, Kunt and I. Scratch looks at me, and tell me to take one of the 3 check points because he is f*cking fed up of running his “bullocks” off. Bloody hell I said go f*ck yourself I am not doing it.

By now it was getting difficult to find those markings as dusk had set in. Sinnerbad was busy trying to sell her spare bed in Cardiff to Scratch & Sniff. The wanker wanted the bed at the Holiday Inn for free and was also setting himself up for a shag. Sinner being bad led him on (or was she….harriet.)

Mudsticker and Cheap Trills stuck together discussing the pros and cums of lava Life dating. The hash gossip has mention that Thrills is in the market for a couple of Sunday’s worth of shagging. This scribe has been told that she has had a few of those Sundays already. ( fu*king Gossip….ed).
Figleaf brought his girlfriend and we never saw her on the run, but he had a good time as usual. Stuck with the pack and always called trail (guess he learnt how to yodel). Last we heard Ti*s was up front, we never saw her. General consensus was she cut trail.
The hares kept us on a shiggy in and out of the neighbourhood, and the run had a general festive and special feel to it. Was it the promise of a good “piss up” or was it because we were all happy to be part of the Montreal hash House 400th Run. (I think it was the free beer to come…)
About one hour later the trail suddenly shiggied around and along the church, over a fence and to my surprise there was our on on across the street. We were all thirsty and hot, dying for a cold one.
This was a run that I enjoyed, the markings were good, the location was a generic West island neighbourhood but the pack ran together. It had the feel of a H3 that had come on to it’s own. Being a 400th anniversary run that was a sign of good things to come for the Montreal hash in the coming year. Enough of the bulls*it.


Location : A fu*king pub for GERIATRIC patients out on a NIGHT pass.
The band wore dentures and the women smelled like Rose water.
Mudsticker saved the day by shaking her Brit. ar*e and teaching us all how to line dance. 
The natives in The pub were suitably entertained by a bunch of Damn English behaving like general ass*oles and singing songs about Master*ating, for*skin, s*lt,
And t*ts.
The buffet was laid out and the food was generally bad, but who cared we had a good turnout for our Anniversary run. 


Calls circle to Order, 40 hashers stand up
Down Downs

Hares : Piss poor pointers
Scratch & sniff : dread Locks
Cow Bells & fat Ass ; Cumming
Scratch & Sniff : horn blowing
Double Fisted, Plastic Jesus : Anniversary /
Boner: Bush on his head
Anon, Double Fisted, : oldies
Anon , Double Fisted: how to do a DD
Cheap thrills: lava Life
Capt. Hook, Fatass, Anon, Turkish , fatass: being at Mtl. Run # 1, 
Sinnerbad : Cumming back
Pinky Puss, scratch & Sniff, M/ sticker, : birthdays
Hash Birthdays: Speed Hump& Thrills
Hares: No mugs for Hash Birthday
Double fisted; generally Bitc*hing on the hash run
Turkish: large inheritance from the taxpayers’ hard earned money
Just wendy: flasher
BadAss, Hook, Anon; drinking before run & not inviting us to join
Just Gary: Pub patron / wanna be hasher

We decided that as the idiots wearing the most ridiculous hats (did I say that? I meant appropriate….) would be named and the general crowd would show their appreciation with applause. The one with the loudest is the winner.
Boner: A beautiful bush won hands down “ brilliant “ concept
Crystal Tits: was that a sombrero, was it a boat no it was a bonnet, where I come from that is the hood of a car. 
Gifts were awarded and the boy & girl got S & M’s 

I must interject here. My bonnet was not big nor did it have a bush but it was a hasher’s bonnet. Let me describe it since all you f*ckers did not notice it. It had 2 Easter eggs filled with what, non other than a Hashers dream con*oms. Two Easter bunnies giving each other a portion from behind, and a map of Trinidad with instructions to find a stash of beer in that country. It also had a ticket to Trinidad for anyone who nominated my bonnet. All you “ Birks” who went for big , remember it’s not size that matters( Ha ha… that was a joke guys)

Intelligent Canadian Joke: After a few prepatory beers K*nt and Humper are on the trail and suddenly Humper says”My God K*nt look at that dog with one eye”
K*nt immediately covers one eye and asks” Where is it”

Figleaf : non shagger/ 2 weeks and counting
Plastic Jesus: showing his arse to pub 
Scratch & Sniff : hairy arse
Tits: cutting Trail
Passes Wind : stealing Stitch & bitch property
Anon: could not get tool up
Numbskull& Pinky Puss: taking folks on H/ moon
Wet Spot: cumming again
Abbot: leaving skinflint 
Penguin: 69th run
Hares: shit run
Sloc: disrespect
Just Wendy got named : Open all Night

In honour of our founders we sang their favourite song Swing Low and the circle was closed. Then the real “bloody Piss up” got going and the band started as the circle closed.


Ottawa 1000th Anniversary Run .The weekend of July 1 to July 4th.
Please click on the kink (link? -ed) for Ottawa on our website for further information.

On on


Open All Night

I'm too sexy for my hat...

Boner's fertile garden

Candy chug followed by a cold one

F*ck b*astard d*ckhead sh*t f*ckers...

Happy 400th run Montreal!!!!

On Back