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DRINKING

        Billy is in a bar and he has had quite a few already.
At two o'clock, another round is offered, and although he
knows he shouldn't, he takes another beer, simply because
they taste just too good.

        Anyway, after the final beer, he gets up from his stool
and immediately drops on the floor. That was not what he had
expected. He knew he had had some, but...

        All right, he tries to get up but again he falls. After
some more attempts, he gives up and decides to crawl home.
At the door of his house he assumes it is better not to
stand up, since he will almost certainly fall over again and
wake up his wife. So he crawls quietly to his bed and slips
in without his wife noticing it. The next morning his wife
speaks to him furiously. "Were you drunk again last night?"

        Billy is surprised and asks her how she knew."Well,"
she says, "they just called from the bar that you had
forgotten your wheelchair"

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THE THREE TESTS
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A guy walks into a bar and reads the sign hanging over the
bar:

FREE BEER - FREE BEER - FREE BEER
FOR ANY PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TESTS!

So the guy asks the bartender what the tests are.
"First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper
tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face
while doing it. Second, there's an angry 'gator out back
with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare
hands. Third, there's a woman upstairs who's never
had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.
The man thinks to himself, "Well, as much as I would love
free beer, I won't do it. You'd have to be nuts to drink a
gallon of pepper tequila and they get crazier from there."
But as time passes and the man drinks, he gets restless.

Finally, he asks, "Wherezat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon
of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp
and tears streaming down his face.

Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside
hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then
silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt
ripped and big scratches, bites, and bruises all over him.

"Now," he says, "Wherezat woman with the sore tooth?"

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
YOU'D DRINK FAST TOO
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and
one beer chaser. The bartender lines up seven shots and goes
to get the beer. When he comes back with the beer only
moments later, all seven shots were gone. The bartender
says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast." The guy explains,
"You'd drink fast too if you had what I have." The bartender
asks, "What do you have?" The guy reaches into his pocket
and says, "Fifty cents!"

=-=-=-=-=-=-
IN THE PUB
=-=-=-=-=-=-

        A man walks into a pub with a giraffe and says, "pint
for me and one for the giraffe." The barman eyes the giraffe
suspiciously but pulls the pints for them both. The man
drinks his pint in one go and so does the giraffe. The man
again says, "pint for me and one for the giraffe."

        Again the same thing happens, both the man and the
giraffe down the drinks in one. The man asks for a third
pint for himself and the giraffe and again they both down it
in one. After this third pint the man walks towards the door and
the giraffe collapses in heep at the bar. The barman calls
to the man leaving, "what about this lying here?" The man
turns around and replies, "that's not a lion, its a giraffe"

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